Never Say “Never”

Over my six years of widowhood, I’ve stepped out of my “comfort zone” more times than I can count.
 
Deciding on major home repairs…buying a car…learning not to weed-eat poison ivy…sending my daughter off to college…then to Africa…going hang gliding…pursuing a big dream…being interviewed on local and national TV…so many new experiences.
 
So much fear and uncertainty.

And I have survived each new test by the grace of God.
 
With each step into the unknown, my “courage muscle” has grown stronger.
 
 But some things I’ve sequestered into the category of “I will NEVER do that. EVER.”
 
Until I did.
 
My most recent entree into the land of “never say never” was venturing into the abyss of online dating.
 
Yup.  That which had previously elicited the gag reflex in me.
 
But when three trusted, yet unconnected, friends suggested the same thing to me over the course of two days, I decided it was time to listen.
 
I had been completely averse to the idea for the last several years since learning of a friend’s (now-ex) husband advertising himself on an online dating site as someone who was single (he wasn’t), 15 years younger than he really was (pretending to be 60, not 75) making a handsome income (when did Social Security benefits become a handsome income?). I assumed that if one person did that, it was probably a trend.
 
Yet some time ago, I also realized that  “casserole men” do not exist, and that my hopes of a chivalrous/handsome/godly/well-to-do widower showing up at my door with a bouquet of flowers were likely not going to materialize. So I decided to hold my nose and enter this online “meat market.”
 
Two weeks into this experience, I have a few words of advice for the men registered on these sites:

-No matter what kind of physical specimen you are, please…no pictures without a shirt. Not beach pictures, not running pictures, not pictures in the gym. Please. 
 
-If you choose to only include photographs of yourself from the forehead up, we can probably discern what the rest of your body looks like.
 
-When you lie about your age, it’s obvious. You’re not fooling anyone other than yourself.  (And please don’t include photographs of yourself 20 years and 20 pounds ago.)
 
-Posing in front of an exotic car does not make you more appealing.
 
-If you can’t spell, please use spell check.

-And, on a more serious note, if you are a widower with children, and your wife has been deceased for less than a year, please get your focus back onto your kids. Seriously.  They need you now more than ever. You’ll have plenty of time in the years ahead to focus on your social life. Now is not the time. Please wait a year to start dating. (I’ve learned this from countless adult children of parents who didn’t wait.)
   
My conclusions about the world of online dating after two long weeks?

• It’s great for comic relief. I haven’t laughed so much in a long time.
• My instincts were probably right. And I should have paid more attention to the 3-day cancellation window.
• There are a lot of worse things than being single.
• I have 5 1/2 months left in my subscription. (Oh joy!) Maybe I’ll be pleasantly surprised. (I’ll keep you posted.)

At least I’ve tried. And, most importantly, this has been one more step outside of my “comfort zone.”

Each step gives me more courage for the next challenge. (And please, dear God, let the next step not be to participate in a new reality TV show called “The Widowette.”)
 
Be brave. My battle cry for today and every day.