“You Can't Pour from an Empty Pitcher”

These words of wisdom were spoken to me when my husband was dying of cancer. He was at home, under hospice care. Anyone who has walked that path knows how exhausting the role of caregiver can be.
 
Sleep is intermittent and anxiety is high due to the uncertainty of what each day will bring. Although friends might offer to come and help, it never feels right to leave a loved one who is dying.
 
As a result, the caregiver often gets more and more exhausted, more emotionally fragile, more likely to get sick themselves.
 
And in the midst of that, I was given this sage advice: “you can’t pour from an empty pitcher.”

Have you been there? Are you there right now? Does your “pitcher” feel empty? But do you also feel as though you can’t possibly take a break to be refilled and renewed?
 
Whether you are caring for a dying loved one, looking after an elderly parent with dementia, or are drained for some other reason, these ten simple ideas can help:
 

• Get outside. Maybe you don’t feel comfortable leaving your home. But surely you can have a hospice volunteer or a friend come over and be with your loved one while you sit outside in the sunshine for 30 minutes. Just BE. Don’t work on your to-do list or phone calls. Just breathe. If possible, go for a walk or take a bike ride. Do some sort of gentle exercise that you enjoy.
• Find ways to soothe all of your senses: listen to uplifting music, enjoy the scent of fragrant flowers or a candle, savor the sweetness of a piece of fruit, give and receive hugs, and find some photographs of happy memories to remember better days. Enjoy the gift of your senses. Little touches really can make a big difference.
• Express your emotions.  Whether you’re just pouring your heart out in a journal or talking to a trusted friend, don’t keep your feelings bottled up. Make sure it’s a friend who really will listen. Be really selective. Please don’t spend your scarce free time with someone who will “should” or “ought” all over you.
• Get a massage. I know it’s expensive. But you are undoubtedly carrying an incredible amount of stress in your body, and a massage can help a lot, both physically and emotionally.
• Write a letter to your loved one. And read it to them. Over and over again. Eulogize the living. Don’t wait until they are gone and you have regrets. Tell them now what they mean to you. Encourage children to do the same. Sometimes writing and reading a letter to a loved one makes expressing deep emotions seem much less awkward than standing at their bedside, trying to spontaneously unlock your heart. Get a copy of Leave Nothing Unsaid if you need help. 
• Laugh. Yes, you are walking through very difficult days. But laughter is good for the soul. Maybe it’s just watching a funny movie or reruns of I Love Lucy, Friends or Seinfeld, but finding reasons to laugh will make everyone feel better.
• Pray. Cry out to God. Be honest. He can take it. If you don’t understand what’s happening, tell Him. If you are desperate for comfort and peace, admit it. Express your deepest feelings to your Heavenly Father. He hears you, knows your needs, and loves you more than you can imagine. And He will comfort you.
• Prepare. If, short of a miracle,  the one you love is rapidly approaching death, take some time to organize yourself. Make sure you have the appropriate clothes cleaned and ready. The less scrambling you have to do at a time of tremendous grief, the better. 
• Most importantly, realize you don’t have to be strong. Rely on God like never before. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 This verse was my mantra during the two year period in which my husband and both of my parents were under hospice care and then died. It’s not just words. It’s truth. When we are at our weakest, we can rely on God’s strength. Always.

 
If you are constantly pouring out to care of others, please make it a priority to care for yourself, too. Take some time to be refreshed and renewed.